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Overcoming Harsh Perfectionism

 

Are we in the Vulnerability Trust Tree? Good.

I’ve been producing these “Funky Fridays” videos, and it brings up a lot of mixed emotions.

The more I continue in my quest for meaning, the more the yogi in me demands to know the WHY behind my actions. Is this just a big ego stroke? What purpose does it serve? Are you still the same attention-starved kid you were in 4th grade?

The Funky Friday project started innocently enough. My friend Mark shared the opening scene from HBO’s “Treme”, along with the simple words: “Have a Funky Friday, everyone!”

But that scene of post-Katrina musicians parading down a street in New Orleans got in my bones.

They were singing “Feel. Like. Funkin’ it UP. Feeel Like Funkin it Uppppp”. It touched some long-dormant funk strain inside of me. I felt compelled to share some grooves.

So, for the last few weeks I shot some iphone videos of different bass grooves. It has become a much-needed outlet, since so much of my work in education & development can be pretty serious.

At some point in the last few weeks I gave myself permission to entertain myself. To completely not give a shit about perfection, and to care deeply about kicking some joy.

 

Sounds a lot easier than it really is, because here’s the transparent list of Mind Garbage I need to conquer before I post a video each week:

1) You’re too old for this nonsense. What’s the “point”?
2) You care too much about how cool you look / sound.
3) You dropped a note in bar 2 of the chorus on that take.
4) People will think you’re obsessed with yourself.
5) Maybe you’re not nearly as funky as you think you are.
6) How hard are you trying to be The Cool Dad?
7) All your clients/coworkers will think you’ve lost your damn mind.
8) Remember that bad review of your singing voice back in 2001? That idiot critic was RIGHT.
9) Can’t you just form a band already?
10) If the meditation is all about expanding your consciousness, this vanity project keeps you tethered to your ego identity.
11) Gayle will think you’re having a midlife crisis.
12) You don’t even know how to produce / edit videos.

See what I mean? All the more reason to #MEDITATE.

Are you getting my point here? Putting yourself out on the Far Leading Edge isn’t easy. And yet, to expand we need to continually do so. We need feedback. We need to develop our craft. We need to start somewhere, while finishing whatever we started years ago.

We need to express our truth.

When I was writing my manifesto back in 2012, I realized I had never made myself so ridiculously vulnerable. Who the hell was I to articulate my philosophies on life? In that process there were a few lines that made me want to cry. Sometimes I did.

When it came to music, my first love, and first indication of strength… I wrote this:

Music taught me that life can be viewed from the top on down, standing above a labyrinth of frets and strings, seeing and hearing only possibilities: “Get in there and work it out, kid. Make people dance and enjoy themselves. Make sure you’re enjoying yourself.

Because in exploring and articulating Our Truth, we come to a place beyond The Why. It’s a place of feeling so deeply wrapped around our core that we drop the debate over what whoever will think. It just doesn’t matter.

We let it rip, because who else is going to? How else are we going to fully express ourselves? How else are we going to fully entertain ourselves?

Music became a bitter source of pain for me in my 20s. I was a classic cliche: the pissed-off, blocked artist. But as I slowly integrated music with my family, meditation, work, etc it has taken on a much bigger role in my life.

It’s not about entertaining other people, (although I completely love it when it does!) It’s about synthesizing seemingly disparate concepts and information into a meaningful tapestry. You can stack the non-negotiables in your life like a DJ stacks loops. And the glitches are all good, because rhythmic or sonic dissonance makes it interesting.

There’s beauty and authenticity in that tension. Any foolish kid can only chase perfection. Trust me, I did it for years. One of my favorite Brene Brown quotes: “perfection is a 10 ton shield we use for protection, when in reality it only keeps us from being seen.”

What BS excuses or fears are keeping you from letting it rip?

Trust me, the world needs all that magic inside of you.

We’re all ears, leaning in.

 

 

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10 Responses

  1. Hit home with me today, KC! Clearly you have tons of talent to share but it’s your unapologetic enthusiasm that makes it infectious. Thanks for being you, brother. Delete that mind trash!

  2. Whoa. Just whoa!!! I knew from the manifesto you were a musician but there’s some wild stuff going on here?! The looping is really interesting, especially in light of your observation:

    ” You can stack the non-negotiables in your life like a DJ stacks loops. And the glitches are all good, because rhythmic or sonic dissonance makes it interesting.”

    Looping as it relates to Full Life Integration sounds really interesting to me. Great stuff, Kris.

  3. Okay so the prompt questions was what was the last creative risk that you took? Well, today I opened InDesign for the first time and created a poster for MINDDRIVE with a car background image (that needed manipulation in Illustrator, another program never opened) and 36 inset images, each needing new crops. 4 hours later, I’m pretty darned proud of myself.
    TRUTH: I put this project off for weeks because I was too afraid that I’d screw it up or not know what to do. I twiddled my thumbs hoping that some genie graphic designer would just waltz in the door and take care of this “little” project. It took me 5 hours but oh, how much joy I have NOW!!! I learned a ton about my inner critic today. Thanks KC!

  4. Brother KC, THAT my friend was SMOKING HOT, awesomeness!

    I LITERALLY had a sh*t eating grin from ear to ear for the ENTIRE video haha! Your JOY energy just ROCKS right off the video into the room, your smiling, your happiness, your gifts and talents, being in the moment, just were AWE inspiring and ALIVE with energy.

    TOTALLY happy to see you doing ONE of the non-negotiable things you love man, and you inspired me to stop procrastinating and hiding too, I KNOW that joy energy because I get that way BIG TIME when I play my music too, (one of the BIGGEST joys of my life is music, been playing since I was 5 and had ALL the crazy voices in my head like you hee hee).

    It’s SO cool to see a multi-talented and gifted dude like you, be an example of living the dreams on ALL cylinders, family, work, speaking, spiritual growth, meditation, yoga, and MUSIC.

    Truly KC, I appreciate you and I TOLD you that you and I were SUCH kindred spirits and SO on the same train.

    Keep rocking it brother, and I’ll be sharing this and looking forward to each week to see what FUNK you’re bringing next!

    Also look forward to connecting and finding a way to play together and collaborate too, we are Soul Brothers, ALL the way.

    Peace Mi Amigo.

  5. Tell that lovable Virgo inner critic that the cosmic residue of Mind Garbage it leaves in your head is also in mine…

    I am trying to reframe Mind Garbage as dust bunnies – the exterior we’ve shed as it is no longer needed. The key is to realize that we’ve already shed it… and, that the dust bunnies are just hiding under the bed trying not to go into the eternal dust bin of transformation.

    Whoa.

    Off to do some sweeping as I launch the next audacious project.

    Keep rockin’ the inspiration.

  6. This is the best thing you’ve written IMHO. I can’t even answer that question, so long is the list. Thanks KC. Give Cynthia a big hug from me.

  7. I think I speak for many of us when I say that your bravery is more impressive than any amount of talent ever could be, because we all identify with the fear of putting ourselves out there more than we identify with being rock stars (outside of the shower, anyway). It’s comforting knowing you’re just as scared sh*tless as the rest of us. If you weren’t, we’d have to smother you in your sleep for being too cool. 😉

    Rock on, KC!

  8. Dancing in my chair, KC, love it! Love your enthusiasm! I also appreciate your open list of Mind Garbage. My latest creative venture is initiating family developments relative to a new business, wherein I have offered to be project manager, and looking at retirement (that requires creativity, I don’t care what anyone says!!!) My main Mind Garbage is “you don’t have a clue what you are doing!”
    Love this quote from Inspired & Unstoppable by Tama Kieves: It’s amazing to allow yourself to dare your own authentic walk in this lifetime, to listen to the love within you more than your fear… This journey isn’t about getting lucky here and there. It’s about walking through anything knowing that Perfect Love walks beside us.” And I feel that Perfect Love in prayer, meditation and my tribe.
    Keep rocking, KC, big love and hugs, hope to see you in KS City!
    Leta

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